At times, your kids can be off-the-charts adorable – but then there are days that they can have their (& your) emotions run amok!

As your child grows up they will experience a range of emotions for the first time and often NOT know how to handle themselves during many of them. Despite this, many parents tend to focus on a wide range of highly visible skills in mobility (motor control), thinking (cognition), and communication (language) while emotional development often receives relatively less recognition as a core emerging capacity in the early childhood years.

But, it’s important for you as a parent to know what you can expect & do during these years to help your child blossom.

What is Emotional Development?

Emotional development in children involves learning what feelings and emotions are, understanding how and why they occur, recognizing their feelings and those of others, and developing effective ways for managing those feelings. It is a lifelong process and can be smooth or challenging based on life events, relationships with others and other factors.

There’s a lot of debate as to whether nature or nurture is more important in shaping how a child’s personality blossoms—but experts say that BOTH play a key role. So, the good news is that many skills are learnable which means YOU – as a parent have an opportunity to help your child learn how to manage their emotions and shape their emotional intelligence.

Ages 0 to 3

When exactly does our own distinct character first begin to take shape?

You may be surprised to know that there are significant links between your behavioural tendencies when you’re just a few months old and your later personality. If you’re a shy person now, for instance, you may have likely been a shy child.

As parents, it’s important to realize that it’s your child’s unique personality peeking out during the first few months of life. Emotional development starts at infancy when most of the baby’s emotional reactions manifest as crying or laughing.

Infants begin showing a spontaneous “social smile” around age 2 to 3 months and begin to laugh spontaneously around age 4 months. In addition, between ages 2 and 6 months, infants express other feelings such as anger, sadness, surprise, and fear. Between ages 5 and 6 months, babies begin to exhibit stranger anxiety. They do not like it when other people hold or play with them, and they will show this discomfort visibly.

The emotional experiences of newborns and young infants occur most commonly during periods of interaction with a caregiver (such as feeding, comforting, and holding). Early emotions during this age can be recognised in babies as joy, anger, sadness or fear.

Psychologists who study babies may often refer to ‘temperament’ rather than personality and it’s important to note the distinction between the two. Temperament refers to your baby’s behavioural style which determines how he/she react to situations, expresses and regulates emotions. Personality is developed by the interaction of temperament traits with the environment.

Emotions begin developing in infants based on environmental factors such as their interactions with others, experiences like being held or cuddled by someone they know and trust (or not!)

Ages 3 to 5

As children’s sense of self develops, more complex emotions like shyness, surprise, elation, embarrassment, shame, guilt, pride and empathy emerge.

At this age, children are able to articulate what they’re feeling and why in words and emotional outbursts may be triggered by anything from a new toy to an old one being put away. Having more temper tantrums and becoming defiant is common at this age and being tuned into your children’s feelings is important at this stage.

Since a child’s social circle starts widening at this stage, the emotional health of young children (or its absence) is closely tied to the social and emotional characteristics of the environments in which they live, which include not only their parents but also the broader context of their families and communities.

Summary

Infants & Toddlers have limited verbal skills and little control over their environment and that can be frustrating. No wonder they lash out sometimes. For the most part, they don’t intend to cry, throw tantrums and ruin your day but they do so because they don’t know what else to do and how to manage their emotions.

As a parent, you cannot control who your child is at his core. But your actions can help to determine how well rounded and adjusted your child will become as he matures into childhood, adolescence and adulthood. You can’t change your child’s personality. Your child is who they are.

But, you can understand the situations that your child might find hard because of their temperament, adapt your parenting style to suit them and learn how to handle these situations in a positive way.